A Field Guide To The Horrors Of Babysitting
by KENDRA1212
Summary: Rules to babysitting-FerryPort Landing Style.   Rule #3; If the kid you're watching is literally walking on the ceiling, do not panic, this is natural and should be dealt with carefully… Who am I kidding? Run like there's no tomorrow.
1. Chapter 1

A Field Guide To The horrors of Babysitting:

Rule number 1: If you value your sanity (what's left of it) then don't take the job!

Rule 2; If you are unfortunate enough to get stuck babysitting, have these important things…

Duct tape

Rope

A HUGE garbage bag

A shovel

And, of course, toothpaste

Don't look at me like that! You'll need the duct tape and rope to build a fort, the garbage bag for clean up, a shovel for…I don't know, it'll make you look cool. And lastly the toothpaste can be used for a fun activity.

Rule 3. If it's ever quiet, expect the worst and hunt them down!

If you are unfortunately unlucky enough to live in FerryPort Landing then you will need these rules…

#1; Never, Ever, let the kid near magic wands, unless looking forward to having a rainbow Afro for the next month.

#2; Never use the excuse "I'm older than you that's why" because more likely than not the kid your babysitting is older than you…sometimes by the hundreds.

#3; If the kid you're watching is literally walking on the ceiling, do not panic, this is natural and should be dealt with carefully… who am I kidding, run like there's no tomorrow.

#4; Make sure said kid was not on your back, let out the breath you didn't realize you were holding

#5; Scream when you realize you left the kid by itself and that their parents are gonna kill you.

#6; Run like there's no tomorrow _back _to the house.

#7; thank whatever higher force is out there when the kid is off the ceiling and unharmed.

#8; put kid down for a nap and sit in the comfiest chair you can find.

#9; wonder what you're going to do for the next 10 hours.

#10; If you find it necessary- pull out some hair.

_**Was that funny? I was babysitting and this came to me, it's also to help with the writer's block. Well anyway what was YOUR worst babysitting job? Leave a comment and I just might put it in, also feel free to suggest rules to survive babysitting magic or non-magic.**_

_**Bye!**_

_**~KENDRA1212.**_


	2. Devil's Spawn

Have you ever had to babysit what you consider the devil's spawn? A kid so terrible that even his mother says "He's a cute little guy, but he makes my life living hell. Just like his father."

Well today I will give you some tips on how to keep up with kids like this, only this time, you have magic on your side.

Preparation-

Rule #11: Make sure no sharp or potentially deadly weapons are in the house.

#12: ware protective clothing wherever possible.

#13:make sure phone is in your pocket or within reach

#14: have 911 on speed dial.

#15: If you find it necessary keep Merlin's wand within reach as well

'Once kid and yourself are in the same house.'

#16: whatever you do, do _not _kill the kid. Unfortunately this is frowned upon in most cultures.

#17: Have mute dust on you, it's the one in the black bottle with the crossbones on it… woops! Heh, heh, it's really the sparkly red one in the cabinet. -next to the poison

#18: Double check, did you grab the poison?

#19: Pout once you realize you have to put it back

#20: When you enter the room you left him in and realize he is no longer there, don't panic

#21:Panic once you start hearing the "Jaws" theme music in your head.

#22: Go back for the Poison

#23: Scream when you see him pouring the poison into the orange juice you had been drinking.

#24: Faint.

#25: When you start to go towards the light and you hear, "Mommy, I like her. Can she babysit me _every_ time?"

"Of course sweetie, once she's out of the hospital, I'm sure she'll want to."

Wake up from your coma and yell.

"KHSIUFHIO;BJNIK FBNV ;IDHGIOVDEXVHO;IUD!"

#26: smile to yourself when they send you to the mental health asylum. They tell you you're sharing a room with someone who thinks she's red ridding hood.

#27:when you get out 4 months later keep the strait jacket…

You're gonna need it.

_**Special shout out to : fruiTmajik also known as Liz. She gave me the review that inspired this. Keep up the comments of your worst babysitting job and make some rules!**_

_**~KENDRA1212**_


	3. PreTeens

Pre-Teens and other diabolical things.

#28: Do not trust their smiles and sweet faces; trust me when I say it'll only bring pain.

#29: At this age they are learning the art of sarcasm, this is something they'll use for the rest of their life's don't give them any ideas.

#30: if you get so annoyed that you have to give the pre-teen a book, make sure it's not a spell book… unless you wish to be blasted into next week, get a rancid haircut, or get a sudden urge to obey anything the pre-teen says…

#31: do not, I repeat, do not let them cook…bad things happen.

#32: After the pre-teen leaves the room, follow them. This may seem stalkerish to you at first but you'll be glad you did when you see them pull out an AK47

#33: If all else fails pull out a wii and give them a crap load of games

#34: Once parents are back home smile, grab the money, and leave as fast as you can without being rude.

* * *

**_Sorry it's so short..._**

**_~KENDRA1212_**


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